My life has turned into an emotional roller coaster right now, and I'm taking a really deep dip.
The mornings have become so heavy,
and there are many nights filled with tears and loneliness.
A month has passed since Mom went to be with the Lord.
I'm beginning to feel that emptiness in my heart.
Next week my aunt will be moving to Indianapolis.
Oh, how I deeply dread the days of next week.
My Aunt have always lived next door and now she too will be moving far away.
And now I will really be alone, with no adult to lean on since Dad is still in another house.
Not to mention my birthday is also next week...
... What am I suppose to do?
... How am I suppose to act?
... How can I possibly "wish" for anything?
It's just so cruel.
I can't stand the thought of having a birthday and my aunt moving away at a time like this.
Unfortunately, the plans were made before Mom passed away, so she has to move.
First mom passed away... now my Aunt is moving...
And I haven't been able to continue on my thesis because of the never ending matters that need to be taken care of.
I'm scared,
I feel lonely,
and I feel desperate...
How can you go on living when the person you love the most is no longer here?
Lord I need you now more than ever.
Just a thought; if you could get things taken care of at your house, what about joining your aunt? Could you transfer your course work? Does anyone else live with you?
ReplyDeleteIt it were my birthday wish, I would want everything to resolve so that I could look at that as an option, considering what changed since the original plans were made.
I hope whatever happens works out for the best. I know you mom is still watching over you, she'll guide you. I know it's hard, but I believe you'll get through this :)
No, I can't move with her. I don't have a VISA (in case you didn't know, I live in Indonesia), and I still haven't finished my thesis. But I sure wish I could visit her someday.
DeleteNo I can't transfer my course work.
My older brother still lives with me, but he only comes home once a week from work. He stays at a dorm near his office because the office is too far.
My dad stays over on the weekends but most of the week I manage the household alone.
Oh, I do hope she would watch over me occasionally. Some people say that they are so happy There, they won't even bother looking down anymore (or simply because it doesn't work that way, etc etc), which makes things sadder because they make it sound like a one-sided separation )':
I sure hope I can get through this soon because it's hard to be a blessing to others at my current state.
It helps to be around people, senpai. Try to spend as much time with your Aunt as possible, and with your friends too. It helps just to have someone to talk to, even if they can't offer advice. I know it's hard, but try to get out of the house more. At least for the time being.
ReplyDeleteYou could probably take another vacation at your dad's house, if that's okay.
Your mom loves you very much, and would really love to see you happy right now. And you love her as much. You're living for two people now, senpai. There's not much you can really do except to live on the way your mom would want for you. You still need time to recover...but eventually, and I pray that it comes sooner, you'll be moving on the way which would make you both happy.
We can chat if you're lonely at home. I'll leave my MSN online as much as I can.
She might not be -there-, but she's always -with you-.
Yes. I visit my aunt everyday now. Helping her with the packing, trying to make the most of the time together.
DeleteMy college friends arranged a meeting to go ice skating and dinner the other day, to cheer me up. I REALLY didn't feel like going, but I'm glad I went in the end. I'm so happy that I'm blessed with good healthy friends that care.
I stay at dad's house when it feels unbearable at home. But I usually end up crying there as well.
Yes, I know...
Thankfully she's not the only One up there who wants me to be happy. At least I know He is watching over me 24/7.
Thank you. I miss being online too, but right now I have too many things to deal with. Don't force yourself on my account. We'll meet eventually once all of this has passed.
That should be my line~ Don't force yourself as well. You have a lot to deal with right now. I just want my senpai to smile again.
DeleteI'm glad to hear that you're in good company. I hope with all my heart that your storm would soon pass.
:)
Am... I hope you don't mind a little foreign comment on here... Im a fan of your art here and back on FA.
ReplyDeleteWell, what I wanted to say is that, It seems to be a real deal, but this kind f preoblems are better deal with what I call, cleansing, let it out as much as you need, cry all you need until your body feels refreshed again and then, maybe take a bath and have a good sleep. I have always though that baths, games and a bed are the best medicine for the heart, hehe.
The loneliness can be harsh, even if your family is still with you, if they are not around... But it is k to feel sad about it, because you would be some kind of monster if you didn't. It hurts but it makes you clear that you are still alive and here, so maybe it's time for you to build a new home... And by that I don't mean move out or change of house... I mean that try to take the friends advice above, but not only outside, invite them over, let them be there so you forget about being sad. And, I dont know if this advice is really on the point but, if you have not a current life partner, maybe it is time to look for one... A man/woman who can actually take some loneliness away... I know it helps...
Anyway, if you took your time to read my silly advices thanks.
Also, I liked your comment over the other person watching over you... I think "He" sounds like a good person, and it sounded very cute the way you said it...
So, if you need some extra advice, you can ask for it here or anywhere you find me... Bye...
Ah yes, Inoshima, I remember you.
DeleteThank you for the suggestions but I'll have to pass on video games for awhile since Mom often watched me play games (to the point of commenting the storyline, characters, and even memorizing songs), so games remind me of the happy times with Mom.
Indeed I've been thinking of inviting some friends over, but my house is a bit far from everybody, so it's quite a trip.
As for the subject of girlfriends, I don't think I'll be starting a romantic relationship in my current state. I don't want it to start out of pity anyway. Don't worry, you weren't the only one who brought it up.
And the "He" I was referring to was Lord Jesus Christ. And yes, He is a good person.
Thanks again for taking the time to show your concern and suggestions. I appreciate it.