Out of the frying pan, into the fire...

So....
 

I think it's about time I shared a little bit about my personal life. Since I'm all alone now, someone out there might as well know, just in case something happens to me. So you'll have a rough idea of what might've happened.

I grew up in a broken home. My dad basically treated my Mom with disrespect, then Mom kicked him out of the house (her house) when I was 6 yrs old, and lived separately ever since. Separated... but not formally divorced. Mom wanted to file a divorce but dad won't let her.
 

How they ended up married, I'm not sure, but I have a pretty good idea how (but that's another story).

Neither of them re-married and so my mom single handedly raised me and my older brother, successfully guarding us both from any contact with my dad for 17 years. At 2008 Mom's cancer returned, her status immediately was changed to a: Stadium 4, metastatis* (*meaning that the cancer has spread to other organs of the body). Sensing that her time was running short and in order to please God, she tried to reconcile with dad, even though she didn't want to. She managed to be reconciled with him, but before her children get to get reconciled too... she passed away (June 2012).
 

Now you can probably get the vague picture why I was so devastated when Mom passed away...

After Mom passed away, my brother and I lived from the money dad sends every month. Sometimes sends it late, sometimes extremely late, and sometimes only part of it. I inherited the responsibility of managing the house, its finance, and every small detail that comes along with it. My brother (who hates dad the most) doesn't want to be involved in any of this. I, too, am not fond of my dad (because it appears that he hasn't changed that much after all), but I had to accept his money, since it's either that or starve.
 

Since that day, my dad had been trying to get control over me and my brother.... specifically me, since my brother already has a job and I don't. He's a prideful man and having his sons move back with him will give him basis to tell people about how he "won back" his son. Also he's kind of trying to re-live the years he lost. Moving to his house is impossible since, again... he hasn't changed much at all. During this 6 months I've felt, first hand, the things he did to Mom (she used to share these things when we sat down and talked together).

Today I went to meet my father, to meet him and report that I have passed my last exam and all that (thought it was the courteous thing to do). I was thankful that he didn't threw any sharp words at me, but before I got into the car, he said that he's having trouble paying the expenses and so he provided two alternatives.
 

Alternative I
Dad would decrease the sum of the monthly money he sends.

He didn't say by how much, even though I asked repeatedly.

(must be a lot, judging by Alternative II)
 

Alternative II
My brother and I would have to move in with him, and leave Mom's house.

I didn't get to say much in this, since I was in a hurry to get in the car. It was already cloudy and I wanted to visit Mom's grave on the way home (I haven't seen her grave after they've set up the grave stone, so I wanted to check it out). I think he deliberately waited for me to be on my way, so that he would get the last say.

http://singlemindedwomen.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Protecting-Children-From-Abuse.jpg

But I urged him to at least give a rough amount before I go, so I could make adjustments and preparations. But he says, he doesn't know (...that's preposterous). I said, "Can't you at least give me a rough idea? This is for next month right? I need to make preparations and today is already the 6th."

"I haven't thought of it that far. I was hoping you'd take the 2nd alternative.", he said.
 

.....Well some choice that was. That's not an alternative. That's a threat.  If I moved in with him, I'd probably go insane, or die young, or get cancer out of stress just like Mom.

I don't think my father's in a financial crisis (judging by his way of living). I think it's just some excuse he came up with in order to get me to move to his house (aka into his domain and under his control). He has always been promoting his house in every meeting.

But at any rate, I need to find a job soon, so I'll be forever independent of him. Maybe work as a freelance illustrator on top of my job to cover the expenses. Indonesia's field of work in the animation department is very underdeveloped, let alone 2D animation, but I guess I'll have to make do with whatever is out there for the moment.
 

What a pity. I thought I could at least have a few months of rest after I finish, or at least graduate first. But if I don't get a job soon, my father will continue to bully me around.

It's unbelievable how my life turned so complicated in the course of just 6 months. I feel like an orphan.

*Written in case something happens to me or if the condition disables me from communicating by internet again.